Q: When is the only time you split tens?
A: When the table is full and your buddies need a seat.
At the Blackjack Table
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said, “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?”
The dealer said, “When you eat out do you tip the waiter?”
“Well then, he serves you food, I’m serving you cards so you should tip me.”
“Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight.”
Are You Gay?
One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil… Satan: “Why so glum?” Guy: “Why do you think? I’m in hell!” Satan: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?” Guy: “Sure, I love to drink.”
Satan: “Well you’re going to love Mondays then. On Mondays that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab and fresca. And we don’t worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.” Guy: “Gee, that sounds great!” Satan: “You a smoker?” Guy: “You better believe it!” Satan: “All right! You’re going to love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer – no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?”
Guy: “Wow, that’s awesome!” Satan: “I bet you like to gamble.” Guy: “Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.” Satan: “‘Cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt… you’re dead anyhow.” Guy: “WOW! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!” Satan: “You gay?” Guy: “Hell, no!” Satan: “Hm, you gonna hate Fridays then.”
Honey, I’m Home
Two men were at the Casino playing blackjack and were just leaving to go home at 3:00 a.m.
Man1: You know what I hate about this? When I go home. I turn off my headlights, turn off the engine, and coast into the driveway. Then I go to the front door, take off my shoes and sneak in as quietly as I can. But my wife always wakes up and we end up having a fight.
Man2: What I do instead is drive into the driveway, honk the horn a few times, get out of the car, slam the door, go in the house and slam the door. Then I yell “Honey, I’m home,” run upstairs, slap her on the ass and say, “How about a little love, woman?” She never even moves.